Thousands Killed in Battle of the Marching Bands

This past Saturday, October 18, a crowd of an estimated 5,000 attended the thirteenth annual Washington Battle of the Marching Bands. They expected to see over ten marching bands perform their shows for the 2008 marching season. What they got, however, was a different story. After the first five bands played, the crowd grew silent as the announcer told them that Davon Hills Marching Band was next.  
Davon Hills Marching Band was a new addition to the program this year. No one knew where they came from, or even what their show was. After a long silence, it seemed as if Davon Hills had not actually come to the show.
Just as the announcer was about to announce the next band, however, a stray mace, painted an ominous blood red, shot through the air, striking an unsuspecting Gregory McFeeble, the drum major of the team marching off the field at the time, in the throat.
At first, no one knew what was going on. After a few moments of murmurs and suspence, however, the whole crowd went into a frenzy. As the crowd went crazy with fear, Davon Hills Marching Band walked onto the field.  “They looked like demons come from hell, what with their uniforms.. And all their instruments was all like weapons! “ Exclaimed WBMB first-timer Henry Allwit when questioned. He later explained the whole ordeal as being frightening. Davon Hills Marching Band went on a killing spree, killing everyone from the five marching bands that had already gone, and, after that, going on to killing the spectators. An estimated 4,735 people died, and another 210 were injured.
It was a miracle that anyone came out alive. According to Shelbu Hennison, “we had to hide under the bleachers and behind the snack counter to live. The marching band was too busy killing other people to search too thoroughly for us, I guess.”
Some people even had to resort to hiding under the dead bodies of their friends and  family,  such  as George Wiley, who recounted his amazing story  after some gentle coaxing and threats to arrest him for conspiring with the band.
“I was trying to run out of the field, but the percussionists were too fast. They had these spikes on their drums, and their drumsticks were… they were like arrows or something!  I tried to hide, but they were just coming so close, and so fast! Luckily, I was running next to my buddy, Frank. But he got hit by a drumstick, and he fell! I just couldn’t go on without him, so… so I… I had to..”
After that, George broke into tears and couldn’t continue.
As for the band, they marched away, leaving no clues as to who they were, where they came from, or where they went. A full on investigation is being run, and hopefully we can catch this murderous marching band.
If you see a suspicious marching band in your area, please call 555-3815. This is a serious matter, and don’t try to take matters into your own hands. This band is very dangerous, and most likely rabid. They are armed and will attack if provoked.